Today we talked about our responsibility as parents to discipline our children in love, and watched and discussed the DVD, "Discipline: Teaching Limits With Love" by Dr. T Berry Brazelton.
FROM THE SCRIPTURES:
We discussed the famous scripture found in Proverbs 13:24:
“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
We agreed that this scripture does not need to be taken literally, but speaks to us as parents about our responsibility to discipline our children because we love them. We chose to interpret it like this:
"She that does not teach her child what is an acceptable standard for his behaviour, and how to control himself to meet that standard, hinders his spiritual, emotional, and temporal development. She who truly loves her child, knows that she must intervene to teach and correct him when appropriate."
We also mentioned checking out an article called "Love, Limits, and Latitude" from the August 2008 issue of the Ensign for more current, gospel-centered direction about discipline.
The 3 most common general mistakes made by parents when it comes to discipline are that they are either:
1) Not tough enough
2) Too tough
3) Not consistent
The best kind of discipline is that which is firm, but fair and is delivered consistently.
NOTES FROM THE DVD:
This DVD has a very gentle approach and focuses mainly on the purpose and need for discipline in children 0-3, understanding your child’s early development, methods of preventing behavioural problems, and information warning parents about the negative effects of corporal punishment (ie: spanking).
Dr. Brazelton focuses on discipline as setting limits and teaching. He explains that next to love, consistent and gentle discipline is the best gift you can give to your child.
PART 1: Routines and Limits:
Dr. Brazelton explains that the first kind of discipline a child experiences is in the form of routines which begin as soon as the child is born in the form of regular feeding and sleeping schedules.
He suggests that parents:
1) Learn their child's natural patterns
2) Create predictable schedules and comforting routines
3) Be as consistent as possible
Routines give babies and children a feeling of security and predictability.
Dr. Brazelton suggests that parents set limits for very young children that mainly center around safety concerns (ie: not climbing up on high objects, touching hot objects, etc). He explains that you can expect a child to start testing limits at about 9 months - it is a normal part of their development.
When your child begins to test a limit you have set for them, he suggests that you be firm, but gently and calmly:
1) Stop the child from continuing
2) Teach the child why they must not continue
*It is important especially in regards to very young children that parents teach and explain things to them on their level of understanding and accompany words with actions and role-playing (ex: "ouch - hot!" pull hand away). Have the child repeat back to you what you have taught them, and be prepared to have to teach the same lesson over and over again!*
3) Redirect away from the object of danger and engage them in a different object/activity
PART 2: The Terrible 2s to Preschool:
Dr. Brazelton explains that from about 18 months on, a child begins to look for ways to exercise their independence - again, it is a normal part of their healthy development.
He suggests parents:
- Create reasonable expectations for your child’s age and development
- Be clear and precise (don't just assume your child will understand what you mean)
- Avoid power struggles by allowing for natural consequences when possible
- give controlled choices
- give warnings / avoid sudden transitions between activities
- give praise and encouragement for good behaviour (it is important that praise given is honest and matches the behaviour of the child)
- redirect, or remove the child if necessary to help them regain control of themselves
- be as consistent as possible
PART 3: The Case Against Corporal Punishment:
Dr. Brazelton warns parents never resort to physical punishment, the costs are too great. He explains that one of the most important things you need to do as a parent is keep yourself under control. Your child looks to you as the model for his behaviour. If you loose your temper and strike him, he will learn to loose his temper and lash out with physical violence.
We also discussed that for any discipline program to be considered effective, it needs to do 3 things:
1) Stop negative behaviour
2) Increase good behaviour
3) Create self-discipline
While spanking and other forms of corporal punishment can yield results in terms of stopping immediate negative behaviour, it usually creates fear and resentment in the child which break down attachment bonds, and actually work against the child wanting to increase their good behaviour. Corporal punishment has also been proven through research to not be effective in the long-term, and does not create self-discipline.
We asked ourselves the following question:
"Which is the more profitable servant: the one who serves his master out of fear, or the one who serves his master out of love?"
While both will yield results - the answer of course is obvious.
We talked about how some kids will need more structure and stronger limits with accompanying consequences - however parents never have to resort to physical violence or corporal punishment to control their children. There is always a better way.
Next week, we will be discussing a tougher method called "1-2-3 Magic," a program created by Dr. Thomas W. Phelan Phd. Please arrive as on time as possible, as there will be a lot of material to cover and we will have to get started right away!
For the Tots:
The kids had a great time playing with large appliance boxes cut to make little "houses," and enjoyed a round of "Ring-Around-The-Rosie" lead by Sister Skelton. They were also treated to mini-muffins and apple slices brought by Sister Bergsma!
No comments:
Post a Comment